Unofficially, official
BFN after BFN.
No more ambiguously smudgey lined tests. Only negative. Beta is tomorrow at 8:10 am, I should get the official negative results after 2 pm.
Trust me, I have trolled the Internet all day searching: HPT Negative, Positive Beta? Negative HPT 14dpo, positive beta? And on and on.
Has it ever happened that someone got negative HPTs and tested positive for Beta, yes.
Is it likely that it explains my BFNs. No.
And so begins the process of grieving a loss that never existed to anyone but DH and me.
Cognitive Dissonance
I feel pregnant. My uterus is cramping like last time. My vagina smells like freshly turned dirt like last time. The only other time I felt these cramps or smelled that smell was when I was pregnant.
My head is saying: you’re not pregnant, stop googling remote possibilities and start accepting.
My body is saying: I am pregnant.
And my heart is torn.
I want to hold out hope, but I never want to feel like I did after my first IVF cycle, where I listened to well meaning advice that said, “It’s not over until you get a negative beta.”
We all say that to each other on message boards, forums, Facebook, in person, email, texts. I do it too. I just feel so badly for the person, I want to stretch out the hope a little longer for them and hey… you never know.
But I do know. We all know. It’s over. It is. I have peed on every stick known to (wo)man and they all say the same thing: not pregnant.
I wish my body would get the message, because the crazy thing is: I love this feeling. The cramps bring back the memories of my short lived pregnancy and how excited we were, how we cried tears of joy and how we marvelled at the knowledge that my body was carrying life that we made.
Symptoms… may as well do this one last time
- Cramping
- heavy/dull pressure in uterus
- darker urine, new smell
- frequent urination
- nausea
- Vivid dreams
- Backache
- acne breakout
Progesterone can mimic pregnancy symptoms unfortunately.. BUT I do know THREE women personally in previous cycling groups that I was in that had BFN hpts, only to have betas over 100 and they tested the day of beta, so my advice is always it ain’t over til the beta lady sings.. Hang in there, sending some sticky vibes your way..
So sorry, friend!
Holding hope here still!
I agree with Tonya… Hang in there, it ain’t over just yet. Those pee sticks are E.V.I.L.!!
I’m praying for you….
It took my friend almost two weeks after her period was due to get her BFP and her daughter was born very healthy and happy. I’m still hoping sweetie!!!!!
Sent from my Samsung Galaxy II
Shit. I’m not gonna lie, I’m kind of in agreement with your head… if you’ve previously seen a second line by 14 dpo, it’s unlikely this time will be different or there will be any miracle BFP tomorrow. My heart really just dropped, though… I’ve been triple-checking your site every day just hoping and praying this would be it, and now I don’t know what to say or do to make this better. Try to surround yourself with as much love (and alcohol) as possible right now, and focus on regrouping, looking forward and taking stock of all the good things in your life. And know that we’re all here for you, even if we’re stuck in computers.
Thinking of you today!
You are in our thoughts. <3
You are in our thoughts <3