4dp5dt- 2018 style

Hi folks. Well colour me shocked, delighted, humbled and grateful that some of you saw my earlier posts this week! I thought I’d be posting into the void and I was just so stoked see some old friends on here.

Yeay!!

I figured I’d do a quick update. Smoochie is asleep and I have insomnia so this seems like a great way to let off a little steam and collect info about this cycle.

So, transfer day was Tuesday. It was originally supposed to be Wednesday but our embryologist is due ANY second and the medium for our embryos and the addition of assisted hatching meant she asked us if we’d feel comfortable transferring a day early so all hands were on deck.

I was a little apprehensive about doing it a day earlier but also okay with it. My blood levels were good and my lining was nice and cushy so in the end I figured they were suggesting it since they wanted the best outcome, too and so we transferred in a beautiful blast.

Our blast was actually hatching out in two places at the time of transfer and the cells for the fetus were already evident on screen (I’ll try and post a picture later, can’t on my laptop). I brought Smoohcie’s favourite motorcycle and held it during transfer. The blast was 5 days old with over 250 cells. So for all intents and purposes, it was (and hopefully is) teeming with energy and ready to implant.

The mood was really different in the room. That sombre tension was gone. It was like old friends hanging out. We had five years of history and losses piled up before Smooch, so even his transfer had that tension – it was like everyone was so focussed all they were thinking at that time was “Come on little one, just stick for us, this is getting too hard!!!”. While this transfer was easy and breezy. We mostly regaled them with stories about the Smooch-aroosh.

My bladder is not the same as pre-Smooch, so by the time I was “allowed” to get up and use the bathroom I was squeezing those kegels for dear life. Then I laid down for a bit and looked at pictures of Smooch on the theory that if looking at your baby’s pictures helps with nursing, why not get some hormonal mojo after a transfer ๐Ÿ™‚

After that it was home to bed. We watched an episode of Ozark on Netflix and I had my requisite post transfer meal: tortilla soup and 2 mole chicken tacos. It’s like a play off beard, I MUST have them post transfer.

The day of transfer I had a ton of cramping and activity in my uterus. Of course, I hoped that was a little bean seeing a cushy endometrium and latching on, but who knows. It could have been extra cramping just from the procedure and catheter.

Since transfer day I’ve had occasionally cramping. I don’t cramp before I get my period and my actual period cramps are much different – frankly they feel like diarrhea. So these cramps are what I have come to know as post transfer with meds/bfp/bfn/start of miscarriage cramps.

AKA: these cramps are unique to this experience and have preceded EVERY outcome.

AKA: these cramps are useless for predictive purposes.

I also have the heaviness in my uterus. Like a storm cloud. I picture my uterus as grey with clouds swirling inside, heavy rain and little thunder bolts roiling about in a little eco-system of stormy, soggy weather. I know I had this feeling with Smooch and it lasted throughout pregnancy, and started after transfer. And I know I’ve had it with other pregnancies a little later in the game but before miscarriage. But for the life of me, I can’t recall if I had it with other transfers that resulted in BFNs?

So I can’t tell if this is from the meds or a sign of pregnancy independent of the meds.

Other than that, boobs are a little tender – meds – and I’m peeing more, but I am also being really diligent about drinking more water. Still, there’s that pregnancy like insistence to the peeing that feels different and I can’t tell if that’s because the meds are causing a cascade of responses that makes peeing feel more insistent or if it means something else.

Historically, my last three pregnancies (two ended up being miscarriages, one Smoochie) I caught BFPs 5dp5dt which would be tomorrow. In all cases it was early afternoon.

That is why I have insomnia. We’re so close. It’s a hair’s breath away. I don’t want to wish away a day but the mother in me just wants to know if that little person made it and then I’d like to know if they’re doing ok.

Today, I planned a morning play date with one of his gal pals (and her mom and baby brother). In the afternoon, we’ll read stories and do some crafts.

Tomorrow, I have his little buddy R coming over (they’re just a month apart) for the morning. I think stacking the deck with distractions will be good.

Apart from providing distraction for me, both kiddos are really sweet and they get along well, so it’s fun to watch him play with his buds. He’s bigger than both of them though, so that’s always funny to see the size difference. The other day he was playing with R and got excited about climbing up some stairs and he did a Gorilla dance next to teeny tiny R and it was AWESOME.

Oooh. He’s up and calling for Dada and his (prop) remote. TTYL. ๐Ÿ™‚

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2 thoughts on “4dp5dt- 2018 style

  1. I just wanted to say hello and that I’m rooting for you! We may be going back for an FET during the summer next year to try for another little one. I don’t know if you remember me, but I similarly suffered through many BFNs and miscarriages before I finally had my twins November 2016 after a successful FET. We still have 4 genetically normal blasts on ice, so the idea of adding another baby has always been in the back of our minds. I feel like I’m still a little in the middle of the craziness and trying to find the balance like what you mentioned in your posts the other day though, so I’m not quite ready to go through the IF journey again. I went back to a teacher position though instead of year round as an administrator, so if we do decide to do another FET in the near future, I think summer vacation would be the perfect time. Anyway, sending sticky vibes and positive energy to that little embryo!

    • I definitely remember you. Oh wow, twins!!! Congrats ๐Ÿ˜

      I can hear that – stepping back in for another round when life is just starting to seem manageable is hard.

      For us, we were hoping to start again in January but there was a waiting list at our clinic.

      Iโ€™m glad we had to wait. These extra couple of months convinced and reminded me it does get easier every month and that really helped us decide knowing that at 2 it was easier, 2.5 even easier. Etc.

      Still itโ€™s hard to go back to true babyhood. The sleep stuff worries me and my body really took a beating post partum. I was ok during pregnancy but my core and hips and neck and shoulders are getting reinjured every few months.

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